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18 August 2015 @ 08:28 pm
8.18.2015  
8 years ago on this exact day, I officially started dating a guy back then in US. But it only lasted for 3 weeks because he had a situation that made him decide to cut ties with everyone from our church including me.

We were young and the time wasn't quite right but we never hurt each other. I guess the chemistry was always there, we just never tried again until recently. But today we've reconnected again somehow since 2 months ago.

I'm in love with this guy. I've dated other guys after him but I was never in love; I only loved them but never completely in love with them. I dont know how to explain it but this time it's different. Right now I'm truly in love.

With my other exes, I couldn't say what I really want or do what I want to do all the time. One ex wanted me to dress tightly and disliked me wearing frilly skirts. Another one said my hobbies of cosplay and playing video games are wasting time. They're good guys but I had to pretend and hide things from them because they all tried to change me (which is why I'm happy to be single now). But with my Bunny (the guy that I'm in love with now :p) it's different. He knows all my weirdness and still embraces it. He understands me so much that he even recommended things that I might like, doesn't care if it will increase my nerd level. He said he'd be lucky to have me in his life.

And I also feel the same about him. The more I know about him, the more I'm in love. I have nothing to complain about, everything about him is just perfect for me. And the bonus point is he doesn't smoke/drink/go clubbing (unlike my ex whom I had to beg every weekend for not to go clubbing/partying with his friends, yikes). Well I've known this since the first time I dated him years ago but I didnt expect he'd stay that way all this time ^.^

I never understand why does a couple can be totally goofy and comfortable around each other? Because I couldn't. How can they be under the same roof everyday without getting bored and awkward? Because I couldnt. How can they be so sure that it's their soulmate? Because I couldn't. But now I get iittttt! It's all so clear now because I've found someone who totally gets me. When we talk, the sparks keep flying and nothing is boring with him. We could've talked all day if it wasn't for work, we're just so into each other so much. I'm sure I'm not gonna find anyone else like him in my life.

But even though we call each other babe and talk everyday, I'm stuck in our home country (well for a few years) and he's still in the US. I can't go back there yet. And he's willing to wait until I get there, maybe for 3 or 4 years, 5 at most. But I feel like I'll be such a burden if he has to wait for 5 years for me, but at the same time I want him to be with me. It really gives me a headache. I'm hurting myself just by thinking about it, but I can't help it.

Right now my priority is just work and save money for my trip back to US. It's not that I'm ungrateful, it's just I hate my job because I feel like I'm being overworked. Sure they paid me pretty high just like my dad wants, but they can't buy my time no? I barely have time for myself. 12 hour everyday is too much, not including weekend because I'm just too smart and capable so my boss relies on me to handle clients on weekends sometimes. GIVE ME A BREAK. Ugh. But whatever, I'll just do whatever dad wants for a few years until he thinks that I'm too old to be single and sends me back to US. And I won't take any of his money with me. I'll be on my own. Pay for my own shit and all.

So yeah, I'm kinda in long distance relationship with Bunny. Though we never decided an official date, but I can say that we're in relationship now. Cause date is just a number on a calendar and we have each other's heart, I think that's good enough.

It kills me to see couples who can meet everyday because who would want to be in LDR?? None of my friend does. But one perk about being in LDR is you know he loves you for who you are and not just for sex. (But it still kills me that I can't even touch him T_T)

Everything can happen as long as we live. Nothing is impossible. Things might change in a few years and who knows, I might be able to meet him without having to wait that long. I just have to keep praying on that.